The Great Loss

**On the 19th of November I lost my Grandmother. Who was much more than that. She was a friend, a mother, a fighter, a comedian, a bingo champion, a shoulder, she was everything. I never expected this to happen. She was the grandmother that wasnt frail. She could talk to you for hours and make you laugh until your belly hurt. She was my "ma". Thats what everyone called her. Even my friends called her ma. She lived on the same street her whole life and when I walk down that street thats all I smell. "ma"

2009 02 27 73397

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my ranting

**I wanted to apologise for my ranting about my granmotherm It was like a drunken scene ar a family dinner and im sorry. I thought let me just erase it thats the beauty of a blog but also you can see the beauty of your anger in that moment to look back on. keep pulling ma.

This world is unfair.

My grandmother is dying. I call her ma. My mother gave her rights over to her when i was 15 and my sister 10. She practically raised us through the hardest years of our life, but she did it. Even though everyone told gher she was crazy for taking us in she didn't give a fuck. So we moved in and I was happy. Of course i missed my private school and my friends there but it wasn't hard to make new ones.
I really loved my grandmother. she did everything for me and now she has to go.
I'm thinking don't be selfish Desiree, let her know its OK to go. when you look at her face you can see shes tired. but for what? for fucking what? She lives her life. Has a Family. Has friends. Has children, and then in the blink of an eye she has to go? I just cant believe that's fair! Its just not fair ma, i love you.

unfair.

**

Is there someone wathing over us?

**I really didn't know if I should post this story but I felt I had to because I felt it was significant enough that someone might get something out of it.
I was coming home from Boston this weekend and while at the McDonald's at South Station I looked down and noticed a twenty dollar bill. I looked around and there was a girl rummaging through her wallet and I said Is this yours and she said "thank you I believe that's mine". The worker behind the counter said "that's very honest of you" and I told her it would come back to me. So to make a long story short when I got home I looked in my wallet and was bummed because I only had a few dollars left after our weekend and I didn't know how I would get snacks and juice for my kids for the next few days until I got my check. So I'm looking for change in my bad and crumpled up on the corner, what looked like trash was a twenty dollar bill. I was sooooo relieved. The next day I checked my email and some woman donated to me $5.00 through paypal. It was amazing. I know now that there is something watching us and making sure we are ok.

for the love of a child ill freeze my a$$ off

**I cant believe this. It: about 42 degrees out and I'm sitting on my front deck watching my kids play "zombies" Whatever that entails. they're having a grand ol' time and I'm sitting here freezing my cheeks off so that they can burn off some energy and have a good time. Any suggestions for indoor activities parents?? I can't do this all winter i just cant. TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE i HATE ZOMBIES. We as parents sacrifice sooo much. What do we get again? Mothers day? Fathers day? whoop di do. Oh yeah I forgot everlasting love and affection from these creatures that think you are the best thing in the word, can do everything in the world and just have this look on their face when you do something they think is great that is priceless. Even if it is a priceless look from the face of a pretend zombie. I love you Dom and Sophie even when you are undead.

Nana

**This week my sons favorite Nana in the world came to visit. She told me she was coming before hand and it was soooo hard to keep the secret. I did thought and my son almost flew over the moon. I know he was happy she came and so am I.

The Progress Report

**My son is in kindergarten and he received his first progress report. OMG I can't believe what a big baby I am. Of course everything on it was superb, wonderful, genius, because he's my son. So I open the envelope because I had no idea what it was at first and as I started reading I go fumbling into the living room to tell him how great he is and how well he did on his progress report. I look up and he's looking at me like "and what else did you expect". I tell you I had a tear in my eye and now I'm in the same house as a six year old with a head the size of a small hot air balloon. I didn't help the situation much by telling him he deserved a little prize.

Bedtime in my house

**I do love my children don't get me wrong but bedtime is like a time of day where your children turn into these amphetamine filled beings that don't seem to know what they want. " mum I want a drink". ( you bring the drink) no I said I wanted milk not juice. ( stomping back into the kitchen) "heres your milk baby" "no mum..." and then there's sporadic crying. I take this as a child being over tired but my children have been on a schedule for a long time and i'm starting to think i'm being punished for being a hellion to my mother.
Well anyways they're finally asleep and like most of us we think we're going to get a project done, clean the bathroom, get bills in order, but what happens, we fall asleep drool and all on the love seat dreaming of what we were supposed to be doing.

My son is mad at me

**My son came home mad at me today. I know I should take it seriously but its so hard sometimes when its like, "mum you did'nt even double knot mt sneaker today!" I cant help but be like, "are you really serious right now?" I scrubbed the back of the toilet with a scrub brush that YOU peed all over and YOUUU are the one that's angry. Last time I checked, I do not have a penis and no matter how hard I tried, could never get my urine in the places you can.
Now this brings me to a place I hate to go but all mother's go through it. Me being single with one son makes it a little easier but I cant imagine like having a husband and a few boys. No matter how good you have them trained. You're always gonna find a spec on the bowl or if your even more lucky, after you get out of a nice warm bed in the middle of the night and you go to sit on the toilet and realise your tush deep in toilet water because your loved one forgot to put the seat down. It's happened to the best of us. So i'm going to go tell my son that when he learns how to pee in the toilet the right way, then he can be mad at me because i have first dibbs. lol

Morning

Ok so my daughter has decided that she has aquired the skills to make a bowl of cereal while sleeping last night. I woke up and slid aboud 4 feet on slimy fruity pebbles. Fun.